no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
