cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
