ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
