Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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