Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
