i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
