I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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