Nicole vs. Life
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
