I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
