why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This house was built for laser tag.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
