Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
