Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
