how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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