i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
