he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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