Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
How external is "for external use only"?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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