Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
