becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
