he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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