So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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