and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
