sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
