the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
