Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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