I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
