Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
