I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
