this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
