i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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