How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
