ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
