did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
