He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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