I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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