So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
