I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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