good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
