I want to have your abortion
someone owes me an orgasm
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
