Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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