you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
