I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
