so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
