I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
