"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
