then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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