How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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