she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
