I feel great
I just peed on a car
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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