You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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