Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
