OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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